MOM - Of course I'm awake. Its only 1am

Of course - its 1am, he's been sleeping for hours, I've accidentally closed and rewritten this sentence 3 times and I have to wake up at the crack of dawn to get to work and still have to get us both up and out in 5 hours. Of course. And why? Is it because I've been up playing MFing Slither.io? Maybe. Is it because I'm at the end of my tether with work and my anticipation has reached an all time low, even with a new manager starting and the week. Nope, don't care. Still awake. Damn. Is it because Austin Powers must came on? I do remember when it came out and the euphoria of being a teen, focusing on school and on the routines of just being home and just being a teen. It was nice then. Before bills. Before dead end jobs you keep to pay the bills. Before thoughts of marriage and baby carriages with little Leitos.

I mean I will admit, I'm a wee bit stuck on playing Slither.io. Damn you Leito. I keep trying to outbeat my scores and eat these little bastards.

And Austin Powers, wow, its been so long since I watched it that seeing it as a real adult is so different. The jokes I thought I got (the penis pump?) now all makes sense. So many jokes we had back in the day. And the smell of dinner cooking. God to be young again. The things I'd do differently. But WTF am I up watching this now and it's almost 2am??

Or maybe I'm still unsettled from the tragedy in Florida and coming together this afternoon with the neighborhood and seeing the unity, hearing the sadness, and realizing how precious life is and how you can lose it in an instant. How many things I want to do, how much I love my son, and how much I'm letting things in my life dictate my life then I do. It left me unsettled all night. ( That and the blue shit I found in my cheese flouta after I'd eaten almost all of it.) Maybe topped of with Leito looking at my stomach while I was cutting his hair he pats my stomach and says - "oh someone's belly is getting big! There might be a baby in there!" Fuck, so not only am I single but I'm getting soggy AF.

SO maybe it's just a few things on my mind. It's 1:30am nonetheless. 5 hours to sleep with no sight of sleep in sight. Omg pray for me. And good night.